What is grief really? Everyone told me it was process but all I wanted was a simple equation (or even a complicated one that could get me back to normal. Just when I thought I was getting better, out of the blue my mom’s death would hit me like a punch to the gut and send me reeling. All I would want to do is crawl into a hole and disappear. My hiding place was my bed where I would dream myself away to another world. I wanted my warm blankets to heal my pain but instead I just felt guilty for hiding or being lazy. To get through the day I would numb the parts of my feeling self, or bury my memories to avoid another eruption of pain. I thought I could navigate grief on my own, but I was wrong.